Insecurities

**first off - as I write this, my blog has been viewed 997 times.  I'm flabbergasted by this!  I'm not above admitting that the little, rising ticker does a lot for my confidence and feeds my soul.  I don't know who you are...people reading my words...but I thank you for the affirmation and I hope that I am giving you a gift in exchange.**

It's a funny thing - the older I get, the less I care about what other people think.  It's a cliche, I know...but one that rings true for me.  I'm constantly working on myself and I can't wait to meet the 70 year old me...I can't imagine how much "me" I'll be by then! 

Don't get me wrong - I am far, far, FAR from having mastered the very fine art of not giving a hoot.  I still care.  A lot.  Too much, in my opinion. 
I'm worried that I still don't look good enough. 
I'm concerned that while I am running longer and longer distances, that I'm running too slowly.
I'm too often conscious of the stares of strangers when one of my kids does something ridiculous while standing in line at the grocery store.
I'm worried about how I stack up against other people who professionally do what I do - particularly since I almost never come in contact with these people...there is no job description...and I had no training.  No clue if I'm doing it "right".

More than caring what other people think per se --- I find myself looking more and more for affirmation that what I think is accurate.  It's a subtle difference.  I crave affirmation.  Constantly.  Some days it is a physical need...I ache until I get some feedback...and often it never comes.  I truly hate that I need to be stroked in this way.  It feels like a weakness and I suddenly become insecure about my insecurities...which seems doubly ridiculous.

I know a couple of things to be true.  I know that every (sweeping generalization) woman suffers some level of this...and I believe that every person suffers some level.  I also know that I inherited this struggle from my fantastic, amazing, awe-inspiring mother.  I know that she doesn't see the amazingness (it IS a word!) that the rest of the world sees and that she too feels the physical ache for affirmation on a regular basis.  I also know that I want to find a way to let my daughters be the "fittest" in this category of the "survival" game.  I want to raise them to be confident without being cocky...to both recognize and revel in their individual strengths and weaknesses.  I struggle on a daily basis with the constant balancing act:

-- B's hair is amazing...SHE thinks it's amazing...and EVERYONE comments on it...every day.  It's a struggle to get her to let me comb it.  She will NOT let me pull it back.  How to let her feel confident and amazing in it without giving her some sort of complex?
-- E's hair is less amazing...and she doesn't get the same attention from strangers in the supermarket over her appearance.  How on earth do we not create a complex HERE?
--   Both girls dress themselves 98% of the time.  They have a style that is all their own and I think it's fantastic! (E's camo rain boots are her absolute favorite accessory)  B starts kindergarten in the fall and I worry about the "mean girls". 
-- B thinks she's brilliant (I tend to agree, of course).  What happens when she starts kindergarten and she's not the smartest kid she knows?
-- I'm amazed on a daily basis that with E's speech struggles, she continues to talk.  Constantly.  Whether people can understand her or not.  Can't decide if this is success story for us?  Or just her amazing temperament. 
-- and I still continuously come back to our society's strict gender rules.  Just this week, a very kind-hearted nurse at the clinic offered both girls a sticker.  She got down the box and started rooting through it.  Her immediate response was, "oh - there's nothing but dinosaurs and bugs in here...I'll go find you some girl stickers".  My girls are pretty "meh" on dinosaurs, but they love bugs!  What kind of message does this send them about their preferences?

What's a mother to do?  For now - I'm doing my best to try work on my own issues...quietly and carefully and as unobtrusively as I can.  It is so true that our kids follow the example that they see much more closely than they do as they are told...do you suppose if I can find my own strength and annihilate my own insecurities...set a fantastic example for them --- that I can raise secure, strong, confident women? 

"Game On" explanation

If you've been paying attention, you know that I've made some pretty major changes in the way that I take care of myself lately.  I feel like I've explained and described my process so many times at this point that everyone around me must be growing SO weary of hearing the story - but I continue to have someone new ask me to explain nearly every day.  So I decided that it is time to copy my new friend Jenny H and describe "Game On" in my own words in a place where everyone can see it at once - and can refer back if you're not ready for it now...

This winter, I was on a crusade to get my friend Sonja running with me...and we were talking a lot about eating healthier, treating our bodies better, etc, etc....I felt like I was doing a decent job of taking care of myself, but obviously I could do better.  She called me up and asked me to be her partner in a "Game On" challenge.  If I'm being honest - I signed up solely for Sonja...I originally thought the concept would never work for me - that taking part in an online challenge was going to be no motivation for me whatsoever...but I really wanted to support Sonja.  So - in January, we started our first round of "Game On - Minnesota style".  The whole thing has truly changed my life in a multitude of ways.  It is based on a book titled "Game On" which I have not read.  There is a growing group of us who utilizes a private facebook group to keep the thing rolling.  Here's how it works:

At the beginning of each 4 week round (we DID do one 6 week round but I doubt we will again), everyone puts $40 into the "pot" and partners up for the competition.  Here is what it consists of:

• Diet - the official "Game On" book dictates a strict diet, but this is one of the details that we, as a group, decided to alter a bit.  To take part in the challenge, you need to be following some sort of a diet.  We have some people (like me) doing Weight Watchers, some counting calories, some following a primal diet, etc.  You must follow some sort of organized diet plan.  This is worth 30 points per day.
• Exercise - you must commit to some sort of sweat-inducing exercise for at least 20 minutes per day.  This is worth 20 points per day.
• Sleep - you must be in bed with the possibility of sleeping for at least 7 hours per night.  For those with small children who wake us frequently, you can still get your points as long as you are in bed attempting to sleep 7+ hours.  For example, if you KNOW that your child wakes up at 6 am every morning, you must be in bed with the lights out by 11 pm to get your points.  If your baby still wakes you up twice a night, just make sure that you are in bed early enough to get 7 hours per sleep around those wake-ups.  Naps don't count!  You have to be "trying" for 7 continuous hours.  Worth 15 points per day.
• Water - This is a big one and seems to be the most challenging and surprising for most people.  You must consume 101 oz of water each day.  And yes, that's WATER.  Juice doesn't count, flavored water doesn't count...you can flavor your water with fruit, berries, "real" tea (ie. Crystal Light is no good, the bottled teas that you can buy that are full of chemicals are no good)...but the key is to be consuming real, honest to god water that has not been chemically altered.  Worth 10 points per day.
• New Habit - Pick a good habit that you want to encourage each and every day.  Some examples:  daily meditation, reading for pleasure 20 minutes per day, spending 30 minutes per day of focused play time with your kids.  Worth 10 points per day.
• Old Habit - Pick an old habit that you want to lose each and every day.  Some examples:  I gave up soda which was HUGE for me, drop your television consumption to an hour a day, stop texting while driving, stop biting your nails.  Worth 10 points per day.
• Communication - this is why this whole thing works, I think.  You have to communicate both with your teammate AND with someone from an opposing team each and every day.  Because of the private facebook group, this is very easy for most of us.  All you really have to do is pop in and drop a note about how your day is going in terms of the challenge each day and drop a private note to your partner.  Everyone is ridiculously encouraging and wonderful and this is a big part of what makes the whole thing so much fun - the community is fantastic!  Worth a measly 5 points per day - but CRITICAL to my success.

You can also lose points each day for the following:

• Scale Penalty - You are allowed to step on the scale once each day. If you step on more than once, you need to deduct 1 point per time.
• Snacking Penalty - This is a tough one for me to define honestly...I've more or less ignored it, I think it is a carryover from the official "Game On Diet" that none of us are following.  Deduct 10 points per penalty if you are snacking outside of your official diet, I guess.
• Collusion Penalty - if you cheat - deduct 20 points....but really?  If you're cheating anyway, are you going to be honest enough to deduct these points?  Unlikely.
• Alcohol - BIG ONE for so many.  If you consume alcohol, deduct 25 points per drink.  Ouch.
• Change your Habit - remember those new and old habits from above?  You have to commit to those habits for the entire round. If you opt to change your habits midstream, you have to deduct 50 points...so be sure that what you pick is lifechanging and worthwhile, but not impossible!

You earn bonus points for losing 1% of your total weight each week - 20% of your total score.  If you are at a point (which I am...can you believe it??) where you don't need to lose 4% of your total weight - ie. you are at a healthy weight - you set fitness goals instead and you earn that bonus by achieving your fitness goals.  For example, this last round, I set weekly distance goals for myself in running - I did an 8.5 mile run the first week, 9 miles the second, 9.5 the third and 10 miles this week to earn my bonuses.

And you earn 10 points for reporting your score on time.  

There is a potential for 850 total points each week and those points are averaged across your team to decide a final winner.  Each round that we've done so far, has seen a team of 2 win and an individual win - so 3 people split the pot.  But really?  I think all of us would agree that we ALL win and that it is definitely $40 well worth spent!

You do get one day off and one meal off from everything listed above each week...you get your full points during that time regardless of how badly you treat yourself...so yes, once a week, I have nachos and vodka for dinner. I regret it almost immediately as I feel horrible (why DO we do these things to ourselves?)...but I still get my full points.  I skip a workout a week...etc.  

The "Game On" challenge has truly changed me!  I think very differently about what I do to  my body.  I still make bad decisions once in a while (like the nachos and vodka for dinner example from above) but I make those decisions consciously and with every understanding of how I'm going to feel afterwards.  I am in FAR better physical shape than I think I've ever been.  And people around me are noticing which is why I'm writing this post - I truly want to invite everyone that I know and care about to join us!  Today is the last day of the current round.  We'll be taking one week off and starting up again on June 18.  If you're interested in joining us - let me know!  Or if you have questions - I'll do my best to answer them for you!  Do something good for yourself!  

Five Minute Friday: See

So I have several favorite blogs...one of them is: intendtolive.com and through THAT blog, I discovered thegypsymama.com .  The Gypsy Mama does this great thing where she challenges fellow bloggers to write for 5 minutes straight with no editing, no backtracking, no overthinking every Friday on a specific topic.  I decided to give it a shot today.  By the length of this post, I'm realizing how much time I must spend writing the OTHER posts that I write...'cause this is ridiculously short for the usually overly-verbose me!  
(I haven't taken enough time to figure out formatting and linking and things the "proper" way with blogger...I'll figure out eventually how to utilize the gypsy mama's official "5 minute friday" thumbnail, link back to her, give her proper credit, etc....for now...my apologies!)

The topic for today:  "SEE"...and GO!

I see the word "see" and for some reason it conjures up guilt and pain for me.  Not sure how or why that happens.
I see the word "see" and I think of my daughters...I think of how far too often, I don't think that I really, REALLY "see" them.  I look at them...I shuffle them from place to place...I feed and clothe and bathe them...I play with them and push them on the swings.  Of course I do.  But I'm not sure that I really take the time to SEE them as often as I should.  Sometimes, in the morning, when they have slept long enough, the day is new and unblemished and full of promise and they climb into bed with me --- their hair tousled, their little bodies warm and soft from their blankets "good morning mama" on their lips --- then I "see" them.  We "see" each other and it's a beautiful thing.
And me?  What I wouldn't give to be "seen" myself.  I think it's true of everyone, I'm certainly not alone, that we stumble through this life with secrets in our hearts, damage in our minds, dreams in our pockets that no one really sees.

I can say with honesty that I have been thinking about "seeing" people quite a bit for the last couple of months.  And I've been making a valiant effort to really and truly see some of the important people in my life.  I hope that, even though they probably don't consciously realize it, that it gives them the joy and confidence that they deserve.

The End.  

I think I'm a runner...

I’ve never been an athletic person – never been a very physically active person.  I am a klutz…uncoordinated…completely NOT graceful in any way.  I tried to dance as a pre-teen…I was miserable at it.  I tried to skate before that…HA!  Lots of bruises there.  I was always picked last for everything in gym class…I was small, untalented and didn’t give a rat’s ass.  It most certainly did not define me.  My family likes to tease me because my Dad struggled SO HARD to teach me how to ride a bike as a kid.  Hours.  And Hours.  And Hours.  We pretty much stopped going for family bike rides the day that I drove my bicycle full-on into a brick wall because I couldn’t coordinate myself well enough to hit the brakes in time.  Seriously – klutzy!  (I still can’t ride a bike…it’s ridiculous!)  Starting around the age of 15, I started using my “bad knee” as an excuse – and it was true – my right side has always given me a hard time.  I learned about 8 years ago that I do in fact have arthritis on my right side so it wasn’t bunk…but I did play it up to compensate for my ridiculous desire to avoid all physical activity.  In retrospect, it’s a miracle I never weighed 250 pounds.  I got myself a knee brace and ran a little bit in college because I had a controlling boyfriend who counted my calories for me and made certain that I worked out every day.  When we broke up – I quit running because it represented to me the abuse that I had suffered under his control. 

I still can’t believe that I’ve become a runner.  I chuckle a little bit inside just to write those words.  Me?  A runner?  I’m not a runner…I run, but I’m not a “runner”.  I don’t really know why I started – but it might be the smartest and best thing that I’ve ever done for myself.  I’ve been running for almost 2 years now and it’s essentially changed my life. 

Two years ago, my sister-in-law (who has always been a successful, avid runner) sent me a pair of good sneakers for my birthday.  I’m not really sure what possessed her except that she works in a running store and probably had NO clue what to send me.  6 months later, I strapped them on for the first time and started running the “Couch to 5k” program.  I ran my first 5k on a day when the temperature was literally -9 degrees at race time…and I was hooked. 

It physically feels good finally which I think is a combination of a lot of factors – just plain ‘ole training and getting my body accustomed to the exertion but also – definitely losing enough weight that I’m not ‘abusing’ my body by forcing it to carry around more than it should.  The first two miles used to always be painful (even when I was running 10 miles with relative ease) and the rest was always more or less numb.  Now – the whole thing just feels good.  I can feel my blood pumping strong and healthy.  My lungs feel like they are smiling.  My legs feel strong.  I feel strong.  I feel like a strong, beautiful goddess when I run.  I’m certain I don’t LOOK that way – let’s face it, I look red-faced and sweaty…but in my mind, I look amazing! 

Over the course of just the last couple of months, it’s become an almost spiritual thing to boot.  I’ve always listened to podcasts in the past because if I listened to music, I couldn’t get into my head and I would just count laps or wonder how fast I was going or how much longer I had to go.  I haven’t listened to a podcast in weeks…the one time I tried, I realized that it had been running for 10 minutes and I hadn’t heard a single word.  I think about my girls – what kind of women I want them to be – and how I’m going to teach them to be those women.  I think about my career and where I want it to go and how I’m going to get there.  I think about the soul, the universe, the plants, animals, gods and goddesses that fill our sails and our bodies and our minds.  I think about my marriage and my husband.  I think a lot lately about myself – which sounds narcissistic, I know…but in my case, for right now, is healthy.  And, especially if the sun is shining…I arrive back at my doorstep feeling energized, positive, rejuvenated and strong. 

I used to need a race on the horizon to keep myself running at least 3 times per week.  Now I need a 20 hour work day to even consider skipping my run.  I think I’m a runner.    

Livin' the Dream...Act 3 - dotting the I's

And so we come more-or-less to my present day paying career.  It was January of 2007 when the call came that I would be losing my job.  I was an utter disaster for a whole day.  I remember clearly the phone call that I made to my wonderful Mother.  I was crying, yes, but with great effort, I was holding back that big, ugly, hiccoughing cry.  I can probably blame a tiny bit of the hysteria on pregnant hormones but really?  I was just really, really sad.  I told Mom what had happened and she immediately started trying to cheer me up which is usually precisely my reaction to a bad situation..."look at the bright side"..."think what might be waiting just around the corner"...I remember getting a little angry and telling her, "this is great Mom.  Can we have THIS conversation tomorrow?  TODAY, I get to be upset!"
I began the process of ushering myself out of Live Nation's life.  The box office manager in Chicago had just quit so I was helping to cover some holes there...while trying to find a replacement for myself.  I rewrote the job description, posted the ads, read through the resumes...it was a little odd to try to replace myself in this way.  In the end, it took a remarkably long time to make myself disappear. I worked until May 1 and Live Nation quietly let me go with a surprising amount of grace and tact (thanks entirely to my boss, of course).  The other thing I remember fairly vividly was my 'last' conversation with my boss on that last day of employment.  I remember running down the list of things that I had accomplished and the things that someone still would need to finish up...telling him what I had packed into a box and would be shipping to Chicago...and then I remember saying, "you know - since I'm the only one in the Twin Cities, I've been doing a lot of random little things that you probably aren't even aware of.  When you recognize what it is that you still need help with, you let me know."  I also remember the silence at the other end of the line and the quiet, "huh". I don't recall for certain, but I believe I was producing my first show by the end of May.
My current job is difficult to explain to people.  My usual answer is, "I'm a go-between between the tour's management and the venue" and people nod knowingly.  Here's what it more or less looks like:

One of the best pieces of merch I've seen -
this was a tote bag for Tim Minchin
(love him, btw)

A talent buyer in Chicago books a show.  My boss keeps a master calendar of all of the shows that come out of the Chicago office.  He assigns me to that show.  I have access to a master, internet-based Live Nation proprietary program that contains all of the budgets for all of the shows.  Generally speaking, shows are booked roughly 6 weeks 'out'.  Once I am assigned a show, I go searching for that budget and for contact information for the tour.  Usually about 3-4 weeks prior to the show, I reach out to the tour manager and production manager (assuming that I've been able to figure out who they are).  I send them an email introducing myself and attaching a "tech pack" for whatever venue we are in.  A tech pack includes important information like how many seats are in the building, how high is the rigging grid from the floor, how much power is available and where is it located, how many loading docks are there and how far will the stagehands have to push the gear, (plus a whole lot more).  I usually also try to attach backstage drawings showing all of the dressing rooms, locker rooms and offices as well as some sort of parking map.  If everything goes as it should, I hear back from the production manager and he will send me the show rider and often rigging diagrams.  If he's REALLY organized, he also sends me a "one sheet" that outlines all of the basics and essentially boils down all of the information in the rider to a page or two of bullet points.

Once I have this information, I read through it and try to assess what  my follow-up questions/concerns are as well as what items I'll need to arrange locally.  Generally, these things fall into some basic areas/categories:

• Stagehands need to be hired.  I look through the tour's needs and (with the venue's help because every venue's IATSE contract is a teeny bit different making it impossible to keep it all straight in my head) I try to assess if there are any changes that should be made.  For example, Xcel Energy Center has a really "long pull" for the riggers.  the rigging grid is much further from the floor than it is in the average building, so we will usually add at least one team of riggers to the call.  
• Runners usually need to be booked. I have a team of really stellar runners in the Minneapolis market...this is one area where I am very lucky.  I have a great working relationship with them, I trust them and I enjoy them.  I book them myself based on the tour's needs.  
• Frequently we need to rent 15 passenger vans to transport large numbers of crew to/from hotels, etc. so I make those arrangements
• Occasionally I need to hire some supplemental equipment locally - ie, recently I had Brian Regan at the Orpheum Theater and the decision was made to add video to the production since it is a larger theater and a lot of his comedy lies in his facial expressions.  I arranged for the camera, projector and screen for the show as well as a crew to run it.
• Catering...there is always catering in some form.  Sometimes the tour travels with a caterer and we will need to arrange for local assistants for them (people to wash dishes and/or help them with local grocery shopping).  Sometimes we need to arrange the catering using a local caterer...we wind up feeding a lot of people.  On a standard arena show, we're usually feeding 100-150 people for each meal.  

Speaking very generally, all I'm really doing is forwarding emails to appropriate people and keeping my eye on the details so that A) nothing slips through the cracks and B) Live Nation's budget is being kept in mind.  

THIS is what holds that heavy show
above the stage - this show was "pre-rigged"
the day before the tour showed up (it's rare)

Day of show, I arrive at the venue roughly half an hour before load-in starts.  Load-in for a standard arena show is usually 7 or 8 am.  I try to get my desk set up (I carry my entire 'office' in a backpack) so that I'm ready for the day, check in with the caterers, check in with the union steward and check in with the "building guy" (by the way - I am also blessed with really amazing "building guys" at almost every venue that I work in...most of them have become friends!).  I make sure that I have a current audit (this is the report that tells us how many tickets are sold, how many are open and available for sale and how many are being held back from the public for one reason or another) as well as a current "sold map" (this is a seating chart of the venue that has been colored in to show where the empty seats are and where the "killed" seats are).  This sold map is looked at closely by myself, the building guy and usually the production manager before any real work begins.  We take a look at how much of the building the audio guys are going to have to cover with speakers and where we have seats killed to accommodate spotlights, cameras, etc.  We also are usually holding some seats very close to the stage to ensure that a patron will be able to see the performers from those particular seats due to speaker clusters, etc.  Assuming that the show has sold very well, we make every effort to start releasing these various kills for sale to the public as soon as we know what our real needs are.

When the touring personnel show up varies greatly depending on whether they bussed in overnight and are sleeping "soundly" in bunks in the parking lot or they had a day off in town the day before and are stumbling in from a local hotel...usually we see those first touring people shortly before load-in and the day begins.  I split my time during those first few hours between the production folks who are starting to unload trucks and push cases into place and those who are trying to set up dressing rooms - rearrange furniture and office paraphernalia...I generally am wearing two radios - one on each hip - one attached to the tour and one attached to the building plus my cell phone and my blackberry for email.  I'm VERY "connected".

I spend the day putting out fires -

from the tour:
"I need another 6' table"
"Can we get black linens for all the dressing room hospitality tables?"
"Can we use the building's laundry facilities?"
"send me the building electrician"
"Is there shore power for these busses?"
"does the venue have a workout facility that we can use?"
"I need your pass list"
"my kid loves the Timberwolves/Wild, can I get a jersey?"

and from the building:
"we have a gift for the artist and would like a picture for 'the trades'"
"what is the camera/gift policy?"
"what time can we set the floor?"

The show goes up - the artists arrive - soundchecks happen - and an hour before showtime, the production manager, the venue production manager and myself meet on the floor to assess the show's readiness.  We make sure ushers are in place, gear is safely stowed, lights are at "walk-in look", music is playing - and we make the call to open the house to patrons.

A 45,000 person sing-along!  DMB at Wrigley Field 2 summers ago

The show plays - people applaud - I wolf down some dinner and try to make it onto the floor to watch a song.  I try to make it a policy to always make it into the house to see one song.  You'd be shocked how often that doesn't actually happen because now I have to do math.  Now, personally, I think that this is by far, one of the most unfair things imaginable.  Usually, I've put in a 15-16 hour day of (sometimes literally) running around and then I sit down and do math.  Because the office that I technically work for is in Chicago, and I'm the only representative that they have in this area, I am usually the only person onsite from our company.  So I get to both produce and settle the show.  So while the show is going on and people are dancing and drinking and carrying on...I am sitting in a little concrete room with fluorescent lighting, bass pounding through the walls frantically trying to gather ALL the bills from the day (catering, ground transportation, stagehands, runners, rental vans, gases, furniture rental, hospitality, the list goes on and on...) and create essentially a balance statement for the day so that I can pay all those bills AND pay the artist.  There are taxes to be paid and music royalties...And - to add further pressure to the situation - I have to settle twice. Once with the venue.  Once with the artist.  The venue has to come first because their bills weigh heavily on the artist's settlement.  And usually the tour accountant has to have his entire desk packed into a road case and ready to be loaded onto a truck roughly 30 minutes before the show ends. So there is definitely pressure to GET IT DONE NOW!  It sucks.  And sometimes it's very stressful.

When the show ends, sometimes I need to be onhand to assist with meet & greets and autograph sessions but usually if these are happening, the tour carries someone who handles these things and my only responsibility is to help them find a place and/or set it up earlier in the day.  So - usually I walk out of my office and make sure that the show has started coming down successfully - make sure all our stagehands showed up for "the out".  Oftentimes, I'll go out on the floor and help break down chairs because a lot of that equipment can't come down and get out until those chairs on the floor are GONE.  Some venues are better about this process than others, to be sure!  It's usually 10:30 or 11:00 at night at this point.  Once I'm sure that things are rolling nicely, I usually try to go back to my desk and dot the 'i's and cross the 't's on the paperwork - I start scanning the whole freaking pile so that I can email it immediately to the real accountants in Chicago and prep it all to be UPS'ed the next morning.  The faster I can get it off my desk...the better!  It usually will take 2-3 hours to get a show back on the road.  These hours are always long.  The nice part about this time, is other than keeping my eyes open for emergencies, my work is essentially done so I usually get to just sit and BS with whoever is still around - the venue guy for sure, the runners, or I get to sit down and blog!  :)

When the whole show is down and the last truck is pulling out of the building, there is generally a dozen very dirty, very sweaty, very nasty roadies (sorry guys but sometimes it's true) who can't wait to have a drink and then roll into their bunks for the night.  But - first - they shower.  Sometimes it can really wrinkle a girl's heart when the building is essentially empty and quiet and I find myself sitting in a hallway waiting for a bunch of dudes to shower at 1 am.  But I do.  Because the single worst part of my night is still to come.

Technically - towel shagging is NOT part of my duties as a promoter rep / production manager.  But have I mentioned that my husband and I also rent towels?  I realized a remarkably short time ago just how much money tours pay to rent towels for every show.  I know.  It doesn't make sense, does it?  But think about it - these people literally live on a bus.  And they shower nearly every day in a locker room.  Picture what that bus would look and smell like if after every shower, every person hauled a wet, molding towel onto that bus with them.  So they rent towels.  From me.  In the morning, for nearly every local show, I haul in dozens upon dozens of towels.  I really should sit down and figure it out one day, but I'd guess I rent an average of 12 dozen towels for each local show.  I drop them off in the production office in the morning and I pick them up at the end of every night.  And let me tell you.  It ain't pretty.  I find towels under couches, next to urinals, literally in a sopping heap covering shower drains...full of makeup, wrapped around dirty underwear (?)...you'd be AMAZED at how many people get their haircut (apparently) in dressing rooms and catch all the hair in my towels.  Did you see Lady Gaga's last tour?  With the fountain of blood?  Yeah - my towels wiped off all that blood and even though I knew it to be stage blood - I was SHOCKED that it all came out!   So after a really, REALLY long day - I wait around until every last person (except "the building guy") has left the building and then I shag towels...haul them home...and immediately start laundry!

That is more or less my job in a nutshell.  There are definite high points and definite low points.  I count my blessings that I've been able to work on some of the amazing projects that I've been able to work on over the last couple of years (U2 at TCF Stadium and at Soldier Field for recent example) and I work with the most wonderful people (and some real jacka$$es too to be sure).  I absolutely, positively love my job and sincerely hope that I get to keep it until I'm old and gray.

Not only did I get to work on U2 last summer (twice - once as a "lead"),
my husband got to work WITH me.  How cool is THAT?
(and yes - it POURED!)

Healthy Mondays - "Game On" update...Round 3

I have a complicated faith (don't worry - this isn't a religious post - not brave enough to tread that path just yet).  It includes some traditional, Western beliefs...but also includes a lot of very old, very holistic beliefs.  This planet and all that exists on it is the biggest miracle to me.  I believe that we are healthiest and strongest when we are taking advantage of the gifts that are available to us naturally every day and resort to Western medicine in cases of emergency.  Lest you think I've gone off the deep end - I owe the lives of two very important people in my life to advances in Western, Cancer fighting medicine, so I DO recognize the value that can be found in surgeries, pills and injections!  But I think that our general health can be greatly improved by a holistic, every day approach to taking care of ourselves.

Case in point - I've written about the "Game On" challenge...it has done some really amazing things for me.  For example:

• I am regularly drinking 100 oz of water per day
• I am rarely drinking alcohol
• I have cut soda out of my diet
• I have rarely consumed refined sugar in 2012
• I am naturally focusing on consumption of proteins and raw fruits & vegetables
• I am exercising 20 - 60 minutes per day.  6 days per week

And yes - I definitely started this challenge looking to give my weight loss a jump start.  But I'm sticking with the challenge (I'm in the 3rd month at this point) because I love how great I feel overall!  I honestly believe that at the ripe old age of 35, I'm in nearly the best shape of my life.

Here's the numbers for you...

We are 4 weeks into a 6 week round of "Game On".  This is my third round (we took one week off between round 1 & 2 and the first two rounds were 4 weeks each) so I've been living this healthy lifestyle for 13 weeks!  In that time, I have dropped from a Size 10 jean to a very comfortable size 6.  I have returned to a point where the 7.5 mile run that I did on Friday felt AWESOME and not AWFUL!  I am at a weight that I honestly haven't seen since before I spent a semester in Greece in college and ate way too much baklava.  And - I spent 3 days working with a big bunch of guys who were all flirting with me the whole time, so I MUST be looking better because I can't remember the last time that I turned anyone's head besides my husband's.  My weight when I started was 147.6 and yesterday I was down to 126.6 - 21 pounds lost and I am within a "healthy weight" category.  This is 4 pounds below what I thought was going to be my goal weight because I NEVER thought I'd see 125 again!  WOW!

Since I've cut soda out of my diet, I drink a LOT of water.  Which gets really old after a while.  So - I've started to drink quite a bit of tea.  Usually I go quick and easy with a tea bag but I'm also dabbling in loose leaf, "medicinal" teas as well (this brings this post back around to the holistic health that I talked about up top).  More on this fabulous topic soon!
Here's the pics:

wow - me at the start of "Round 1" - 147.6 pounds

Me today!  126.6 pounds

and showing off the Size 10 jeans...

Choose your own adventure...

Do you ever stop to think about the decisions and choices that you make every day?  I know I rarely put too much thought into them as they come up but for some reason I've become very introspective lately about my life's path overall.  

If I had ever practiced my oboe, could I be a virtuoso today? 

If I hadn't gone to Concordia, would I have had the opportunity to travel Europe and live in Greece?  These are opportunities that shaped who I am today.  

If I hadn't made various good and bad decisions in my relationships - what would my friendships look like today?  

If I hadn't worked at Theatre L'Homme Dieu in the summer of 1997 would I be married to an IT guy today instead of a lighting guy?

This photo is 2 years old already...but I like it!
We enjoy each other as much as we did 15 years ago when we met!

Is there a decision-path that would have led me to marry the man who coaches Little League in my hometown? 

How about a decision-path that would have led me to the man I met this past week who dabbles in real estate and martial arts and loves pitbulls?  

What kind of car am I driving?  What kind of career do I have?  Where do I live in the alternate universe of this life?  

Some things are obvious - I have few natural physical talents so I was never destined for the WNBA or the Olympic swim team.  But I've always loved music and I believe I have a tiny bit of inherent talent - maybe if I'd cultivated it I'd still be performing today?  It's a little overwhelming now that I've stopped to really think about it.  Makes me start to look for significance in everyday decisions that probably actually hold very little significance.  Also makes me shiver a bit when I think about the beauty that is in my life today and the fact that there are so many decisions that have led me to this exact time and place.  

While I don't mind picturing my life in a bigger house, with less debt or more vacations - I don't like the idea that my daughters might not exist, my husband might not be my husband or I wouldn't have been able to experience some of the crazy, amazing things that I have.  

I'll continue to let my mind drift and picture alternatives - it's fun to daydream but at the end of the day, it's important to recognize that I have a beautiful life to treasure.  

Not every Mama gets to introduce her kids to the Wiggles!