wait...why am I saying "No" to this?

Sometimes I feel like I say "No" a million times a day!  I catch myself, all the time, saying "No" without even thinking about it when the girls ask me if they can do something new or different or that might create extra work for me.  Which really, is ridiculous.  My full-time job right now is caring for and raising my daughters.  No one is going to do the work for me and no one is going to do as a good of a job as I can.  And I'm thrilled to be doing it.  So why am I always saying "No"?

In my ECFE class a few weeks ago, we watched the 1980's era video "Kids Are Worth It" which is a lecture by Barbara Coloroso.  The woman is brilliant!  Our whole class was sucked in and hanging on her every word.  She had a lot of great things to say that I'm trying to incorporate into my every day, but one of them was to change the way that you think about saying "No".  She gives us, as parents, permission to say "No" but also permission to say "I need to think about it", "Not right now" or "Convince me".  What I am finding is that a lot of times, if I say "I need to think about it", I find that whatever the girls are asking for IS alright.  Sometimes just the way they are asking for "it" and sometimes as part of a compromise.  I'm also finding that sometimes, particularly if I'm "in a mood", I will say "no" when there is really, absolutely no reason to say 'no'.  Here's my latest example:

My 4 1/2 year old, B came up to me one morning just after breakfast and said, "Mama, I'd like to have an art show."  My immediate reaction was, sadly, "no".  But I managed to hold my tongue and instead, asked her to tell me more. Turns out that she essentially had the whole thing thought out.  She wanted to invite some friends over (she even had the beginning of a list in mind). These friends were supposed to bring with them a piece of artwork that they had made that they would like to show off.  She wanted to have her friends talk about the art that they made and then we'd hang them all up so that we could all look at them.  I asked her when she wanted to do this and her immediate response was "4:00".  I told her that I didn't think that we could do it that early, that we would probably need more time so, of course, her next response was "ok, how about 6:00?"  I did convince her to put the art show off for a few days in order to give her friends time to make some art and to make sure that they would be able to come.  So we set the date for Tuesday at 4:00 (of course) and I sent out emailed invitations to the parents.  Everyone's responses were enthusiastic.

Caught B's expression while gazing at some particularly
 interesting art at Minneapolis Institute of Art

As luck would have it, my Mom and I were taking the girls to the Minnesota Children's Theater that Sunday on our annual, 3 generation-dress-up-and-go-to-the-theater outing.  It was Grandma's brilliant idea to go a little early and walk the girls through some of the Minneapolis Institute of Art first to show B what a "real" art show looks like.  I was surprised and pleased by both of their reactions.  They each found something to look at that they thought was really neat and I do think that it fed their interest in the upcoming show.

3 Generations all gussied-up for the theater
(note one of my personal favorite art pieces behind us)

The night before the big art show, as I was putting her to bed, B told me "Mama, I don't think I'll be able to sleep because I'm so excited for the art show tomorrow".  And she was excited.  The next day at preschool she told her teachers all about the big art show and when she got home she tweaked her own art project and then she watched the clock, waiting for 4:00 to come around.  Unfortunately, several of her friends were unable to attend at the last minute due to illnesses and time conflicts and I was afraid B would be disappointed.  But she took it in stride and didn't even seem to think twice about it.  The friends that did come, seemed just as enthusiastic as B was!  They all showed off their artwork, telling us how they were made and then we hung them on the wall.  When they were finished, we went down to the kitchen table where I had art supplies waiting and everyone made a popsicle stick picture frame to enclose their NEXT work of art.  There were buttons and feathers and, of course, lots of glitter!  And at the end, B got to present each of her friends with a medal that had a picture of her artwork on the front of it and that said, "B's Art Show 2012" on the back.  She told them each that it was an award for making such wonderful art!  (thank you Grandma P for making sure that the awards happened!)

Our artists sitting with their artwork

In the end, we hosted a 90 minute event in our home that, yes - was a little bit of work.  But it thrilled my daughter to no end for DAYS in preparation.  It fed her creativity as she worked to create art for the show. And I like to think, it gave her the confidence to come up with other fantastic events / occasions / activities for the future.  As one of the other Moms said to me, "You've got one cool kid there!".  Yes, Yes I do!  Thank God, I didn't say "no"!

creating new art to take home

Reason #1 that I won't be winning Mother of the Year...

So...the truth is - if you don't know me very well - I AM a little bit type-A.  And a little bit anal-retentive.  Less so - sigNIFICANTLY less so since I've had children...but it's still there.  So I am not a big fan of fingerpainting.   It's so...messy...and while I consciously, absolutely, positively CELEBRATE the messines...my subconscious is literally spasming with the thought of all of the chaos.  When B brought up the idea tonight...I think I actually threw up a little in my mouth...I mean really!??!  really?!?!  After the last 2 days?  My patience was supposed to tolerate FINGERPAINTING?  but, I'm proud to admit that I took a deep breath... got out the dreaded fingerpaints...and squirted it right into their hands.  And then I was just mortified.  While B dug right in...E looked at me like I'd grown a 3rd head. 

MY 2 YEAR OLD DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FINGERPAINT! 

THE HORROR!!!!!!

If I'm going to make an attempt at giving myself some credit here...B DOES know how to fingerpaint!  And, I'm very aware of my recent lack of focused attention with the girls (see aforementioned resolutions and/or attempts at change...)  When they were finished...they were, quite literally, covered from fingertip to elbow in paint (plus, inexplicably, some on E's eyebrow).  I had some on my sleeve and my forearm.  It was all over the table and the countertop.  It was all over the fingerpaint bottles.  All over E's highchair (yes - I KNOW she's 2 1/2 ... don't JUDGE!).  All over both the kitchen sink and the bathtub & shower walls.  PLUS a spot on the carpet from where B hit the deck on the way up the steps to the bathtub to wash.  Really?  it's no wonder that the stuff makes me cringe.  They had fun, we have some new artwork to grace the refrigerator now that all the Christmas cards have come down AND I feel like I fulfilled my obligation / desire to spend more focused time with my beauties!  All in all - Operation Fingerpaint was a SUCCESS!  *groan*